„10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives“ Excerpt This empowering book provides 10 positive steps gay men {can take|may take|will take|usually takes} {to identify|to recognize|to spot|to distinguish} and overcome self-defeating behaviors and move toward a healthier {and more|and much more|plus more|plus much more} rewarding life. These steps have proved invaluable {to the|towards the|for the|on the} {hundreds of|countless|a huge selection of|numerous} gay men Joe Kort has helped {in his|in the|as part of his|in their} 16 {years of|many years of|numerous years of|a lot of} individual, couples, and …This empowering book provides 10 positive steps gay men {can take|may take|will take|usually takes} {to identify|to recognize|to spot|to distinguish} and overcome self-defeating behaviors and move toward a healthier {and more|and much more|plus more|plus much more} rewarding life. These steps have proved invaluable {to the|towards the|for the|on the} {hundreds of|countless|a huge selection of|numerous} gay men Joe Kort has helped {in his|in the|as part of his|in their} 16 {years of|many years of|numerous years of|a lot of} individual, couples, and group therapy. You’ll {identify with|recognize|understand|perceive} {and be|and become|and stay|and turn into} inspired {by the|through the|from the|with the} stories {of the|from the|with the|in the} men who’ve followed this {path to|road to|way to|route to} achieve emotional, sexual, {and personal|and private|and} fulfillment. Who Should Read This Book Gay Men and Their Families / Counselors / Psychologists / Psychiatrists / Social Workers / Educators School Counselors / Clergy / Physicians / Psychiatric Nurses / Other Human Service Professionals An Excerpt {from the|in the|from your|through the} Book . . . What Works And What Doesn’t Alan {was a|would be a|was obviously a|would have been a} 34-year-old consultant {for one|for just one|for starters|first} {of the|from the|with the|in the} car companies in Detroit. He {came to|found|stumbled on|located} see me after experiencing depression over his gayness {and his|and the|and his awesome|with his fantastic} relationship {with his|together with his|along with his|regarding his} partner of five years. He’d been {seeing a|visiting a|traversing to a|going to a} heterosexual male therapist {in town|around|in the city} but felt he wasn’t getting anywhere’either with accepting his homosexuality or resolving the conflicts {in his|in the|as part of his|in their} relationship. His therapist referred him {to me|in my experience|if you ask me|in my opinion}, telling him that I was gay {as well|too|also|at the same time}. Alan was handsome, with boyish looks and tightly cropped hair. His body testified {that he|he|which he|that they} was {involved with|associated with|a part of|included in} sports’he played soccer and baseball {on a regular basis|regularly|frequently|often}. For his first session, he {came to|found|stumbled on|located} my office dressed {in his|in the|as part of his|in their} work attire’tie, white shirt, and wing tip shoes. ‚Look at me!‘ {he said|he explained|he was quoted saying}. ‚I don’t look gay. You don’t either. Maybe we’re fooling ourselves. This is just wrong! This isn’t how I envisioned {my life|my entire life|my well being|playing}. I wanted {to be|to become|being|to get} straight, {with a|having a|using a|which has a} wife {and kids|and youngsters|and children} {by now|right now|chances are|at this point}!‘ Alan filled me in. Six years before, {he had|he’d|he previously|he} been engaged {to a|to some|with a|to your} woman’then {broke up with|left|trashed} her. Secretly, he’d promised himself {that if|when|that when|if} their relationship {didn’t work|failed|have not} out, he’d act on his gay feelings {and come|and are available|are available|and are avalable} out {of the|from the|with the|in the} closet. He didn’t {want to make|need to make|intend to make|desire to make} {any other|every other|some other|another} woman suffer {with his|together with his|along with his|regarding his} inability to {commit to|invest in|agree to|spend on} her. He knew why he Copa Mundial 2014 not|couldn’t|cannot|can’t} commit ‚he was gay. He {could have|might have|may have|would have} sex {with women|with females|with girls}, but {found it|thought it was|think it is} unfulfilling. On {the other|another|one other|the opposite} hand, Alan didn’t like being gay. He felt he was giving into urges he was {supposed to|designed to|meant to|likely to} repress. He was horrified at the idea {of being|to be|for being} out and open {with others|with other people|online websites|web-sites} ‚particularly his family’knowing he was gay. Alan {came from|originated from|originated in|originated} a rural town in Michigan, where his family still lived {in the house|in the home|inside your home|at home} he {grew up|was raised|spent my youth|spent my childhood years} in. Nothing {had been|have been|ended up|was} painted. The furniture never changed. Appliances from his childhood, {aside from|apart from|besides|in addition to} ones that absolutely had {to be|to become|being|to get} replaced, {were still|remained as|remained|were} there. It was {as if|as though|like|just as if} time stood still. His parents had stagnated, plugging away {in the|within the|inside the|inside} same jobs they’d had their whole adult lives and drinking {at a|in a|with a|at the} local pub they frequented every weekend. On a few {occasions when|times when|when|situations when} he {was a|would be a|was obviously a|would have been a} child, Alan recalled, his parents took him along and left him {and his|and the|and his awesome|with his fantastic} siblings {in the|within the|inside the|inside} smoky pinball game room {while they|when they|since they|as they definitely} {went to|visited|went along to|attended} drink {in the|within the|inside the|inside} bar. Alan couldn’t conceive of admitting to his parents {that he|he|which he|that they} was gay. ‚That {will never|won’t ever|will not|won’t} happen,‘ he {told me|explained|informed me|said}. ‚They would die! I can’t {do this|do that|try this|make this happen} {to them|for them|in their mind|for many years}.‘ Soon after Alan {came out|arrived on the scene|became available|arrived} {at a|in a|with a|at the} local gay bar he met his partner, Matthew. Alan had done {little or no|little if any|minimum|no} dating before Matthew. Being with Matthew was {fun and exciting|exciting and fun|exhilarating|exciting} {at first|in the beginning|initially|to start with}, but {after the|following the|following your|as soon as the} second year Alan felt unhappy {because their|as their|his or her} relationship {was in|is at|was at|what food was in} a rut. Alan {wanted to|desired to|wished to|planned to} integrate his life more closely with Matthew’s’he wanted {the two of them|the pair of them|each of them} {to live|to reside|to call home|to reside in} together. Matthew initially {agreed to|decided to|consented to|opted for} their living together, but whenever it came time for either {of them|of these|of which|ones} {to move|to maneuver|to go|to advance} {in with|along with|together with|within} {the other|another|one other|the opposite}, {or to|in order to|or|as well as to} sell both houses {and buy|and purchase|and get|and buying} {a new|a brand new|a fresh|a whole new} home together, Matthew {came up with|created|developed|invented} some {reason why|reason|reasons why|good reason that} {it wouldn’t|it can’t|it would not} {work out|exercise|workout|figure out}. This conflict simmered for three years. In addition, Alan was angry at Matthew for not {wanting to|attempting to|planning to|looking to} spend more time together. They saw {each other|one another|the other person|the other} once {during the|throughout the|through the|in the} week {and once|and when|as soon as|once} over the weekend. Matthew claimed {that with|by using|by investing in|by purchasing} Alan {in his|in the|as part of his|in their} bed, he couldn’t {get a good|obtain a good|get a full|get a better} night’s sleep and couldn’t {function well|work well|function better} {at work|at the office|at the job|in the office}. When Matthew resisted {making any|coming to a|creating any} move or changing his behavior, Alan would lash out. They would argue, and Alan would become enraged, shout, and slam doors. Alan admitted that part {of the|from the|with the|in the} problem was his {worry about|be worried about|concern yourself with|bother about} {what other|the other|how many other|any alternative} people {might think|may think|could imagine|might imagine} {if they|when they|should they|whenever they} knew he was gay. If he {went out|went|sought out|ran out} to dinner, he didn’t feel {people were|everyone was|individuals were} staring if he went {with a|having a|using a|which has a} male coworker, but he admitted feeling {that if|when|that when|if} he and Matthew {went to|visited|went along to|attended} dinner, everyone {would know|knows|know} {they were|these were|these folks were|we were holding} gay’much to his embarrassment. Though Alan {complained about|were not impressed with|were unsatisfied with} Matthew’s avoidance, he was stuck {in a|inside a|in the|in a very} pattern of unhelpful behavior too'{with a|having a|using a|which has a} large amount of internalized homophobia about being gay. He blamed his difficulties {on the|around the|about the|for the} closet {and on|as well as on|and also on|and so on} {living in|residing in|surviving in|moving into} Michigan, {and he|and that he|and the man|anf the husband} resented Matthew for not participating more actively {in their|within their|inside their|of their} relationship. In our {work together|interact|come together|communicate}, I tried {to help|to assist|to aid|to help you} Alan {focus on|concentrate on|give attention to|target} his childhood, {because he|while he|as they|as he} seemed {to be|to become|being|to get} replaying {exactly what|precisely what|just what|what exactly} had happened to him then, back when his parents neglected him. Now he found himself {with a|having a|using a|which has a} partner who, he felt, also neglected him. His frustration with Matthew was understandable, but his {high level|higher level|advanced level|advanced} of anger was an overreaction. It belonged to his parents. He {said that|asserted|declared|declared that} my making {the connection|the bond|the link|the text} to his childhood made logical sense, but he wasn’t experiencing any angry or hurt emotions toward his parents. ‚They did {the best|the very best|the most effective|the top} {they could|they might|they can|they are able to}, {and it|also it|plus it|and yes it} Copa Mundial 2014 me {feel bad|feel below par|feel sick} {to think|to consider|to believe|to consentrate} they did anything negative.‘ No matter {how much|just how much|simply how much|the amount} work Alan did, {in both|both in|in the|in} individual and group therapy, he couldn’t reach his true feelings about his parents. He {came to|found|stumbled on|located} my workshops for helping gay men heal and rid themselves of self-hatred and homophobia, {went to|visited|went along to|attended} gay events {around the|round the|across the|throughout the} community’and still felt bad about being gay. He stayed closeted {at work|at the office|at the job|in the office} {and to|and also to|also to|and} {other members|fellow members|folks|people} of his sporting teams. His relationship with Matthew stayed {the same|exactly the same|the identical|a similar}, {even though many|although many|while a good many} times Alan threatened {to end|to finish|to get rid of|to absolve} it. Finally, though, {it was|it had been|it absolutely was|it turned out} Matthew who broke {it off|them back|it well|rid of it}. One night at Matthew’s house, Alan became so angry he threw something {across the|over the|throughout the|through the} room and broke a window. Matthew told him he’d had enough and ended {the relationship|the connection|the partnership|their bond}. Now Alan found himself {in a|inside a|in the|in a very} bind. Not seeing any progress, he’d dropped out {of the|from the|with the|in the} gay men’s group the year before, and {he had|he’d|he previously|he} no network {to support|to aid|to guide|to compliment} him. His {symptoms of|the signs of|signs of|signs and symptoms of} depression grew worse. He couldn’t tell his family {what was|that which was|the thing that was|the fact that was} {going on|happening|taking place|occurring}, and {he had|he’d|he previously|he} no one else {to talk to|to speak to|approach|to go to} but me. Isolated and alone, Alan was back where he was {as a child|growing up|as a kid|since a child}, but he continued to deny that his childhood was {at all|whatsoever|in any way|in any respect} {related to|associated with|linked to|in connection with} his current situation or that his overreaction to Matthew’s distancing relationship {was really|really was|was actually|was} a replay of how he’d felt {as a child|growing up|as a kid|since a child}. I didn’t think Alan {could make|might make|will make|may make} much progress until he decided {to live|to reside|to call home|to reside in} more openly, and I told him so. I felt {that he|he|which he|that they}’d find, stored away {in his|in the|as part of his|in their} closet, {many other|a number of other|a great many other|all kinds of other} feelings and memories about his childhood. But he wasn’t ready {to deal with|to cope with|to manage|to handle} {it all|everything|all of it|all this}. I expressed concern {that he|he|which he|that they}’d keep feeling isolated, lonely, and abandoned’unless he addressed {the issues|the problems|the difficulties} of his parents‘ neglect when he {was a|would be a|was obviously a|would have been a} child. Many {of us|people|folks|individuals} find ourselves {in a|inside a|in the|in a very} place {like this|such as this|similar to this|this way}. I’m a psychotherapist who {specializes in|focuses on|focuses primarily on|concentrates on} Gay and Lesbian Affirmative Psychotherapy and Imago Relationship Therapy, {which is a|the industry|that is a|the} specialized {program in|enter in|put in} helping {people with|individuals with|people who have|those with} relationship issues, men’s issues, childhood sexual abuse, and sexual addiction/ compulsion. Over the past years, I’ve treated {literally thousands|huge amounts|loads|thousands} of gay men {in the|within the|inside the|inside} Detroit area’in one-on-one individual therapy, ongoing group therapy, in workshops for singles, {and for|as well as for|and then for|as well as} partnered couples. Again and again, I see clients make {the same|exactly the same|the identical|a similar} mistakes. And inevitably, I find myself giving {dozens of|a large number of|lots of|many} clients {the exact same|the very same|the same|the identical} advice. Reading this book, I hope you’ll recognize the stumbling blocks, both {internal and external|external and internal|bodily and mental}, {that have|which have|who have|which may have} held you back from living {an effective|a highly effective|a powerful|an efficient}, totally fulfilled gay life. Each {of these|of those|of the|of such} 10 smart things {is an|is definitely an|is surely an|can be an} antidote {to a|to some|with a|to your} specific problem that clients have {brought to|delivered to|taken to|exposed to} my office {time and again|repeatedly|over and over|over and over again}. Through my {work with|use|assist|help} clients {over the years|through the years|over time|in the past}, I’ve seen what works and what {doesn’t work|fails|does not work properly|does not work}. Now I’d like to make these ‚prescriptions‘ available, in book form, {for every|for each|for each and every|for every single} gay man Nike Kobe 8 use|to make use of|to utilize|to work with}. These 10 smart things constitute {a kind of|a type of|some sort of|a sort of} checklist’answers {to the|towards the|for the|on the} challenges any gay man may face, {at one time|previously|at once|in the past} {or another|or any other|or some other|and other}, throughout his life. Yes, every gay man can score 10 {out of|from|away from|beyond} 10 if he {wants to|really wants to|desires to|would like to}. But none {of these|of those|of the|of such} chapters {is a|is really a|can be a|is often a} cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all prescription. Throughout, I’ll {give you|provide you with|offer you|present you with} real-life examples {based on|according to|depending on|determined by} my {work with|use|assist|help} clients who put these {basic principles|basics|principles|fundamental principles} {to work|to operate|to be effective|to function} {in their|within their|inside their|of their} own way’almost always with considerable success and satisfaction. I ask {every one of|all of|each one of|most of} my clients (and everyone who reads this book) {to recognize|to identify|to acknowledge|to realize} {that he|he|which he|that they}’s {a unique|a distinctive|an original|an exceptional} individual. Health and happiness {are your|are the|will be the} birthrights. And yes, you happen {to be|to become|being|to get} gay. So {to live|to reside|to call home|to reside in} a rewarding life {as a|like a|being a|as being a} gay man, {you must|you have to|you need to|you should} tailor anybody’s advice’mine included’to {fit your|match your|satisfy your} own particular goals and circumstances, {always keeping|keeping|continuing to keep|attempting to keep} {your own|your personal|your own personal|your individual} values, lifestyle, {and personal|and private|and} strengths {in mind|in your mind|at heart|planned}. In upcoming chapters, I’ll {introduce you to|expose you to|tell you about|familiarizes you with} gay men who’ve crippled themselves emotionally ({and often|and frequently|and sometimes|and quite often} sabotaged their romantic relationships {as well|too|also|at the same time}) by not {coming out|being released|released|developing} to anyone except themselves, their partners, {and a few|and some|plus some|and several} {close friends|good friends|buddies|pals}. In most cases, their self-protective impulse only serves {to keep them|to ensure that they’re|to make sure they’re} isolated. You’ll also meet heterosexually married men who {in their|within their|inside their|of their} 40s and 50s {came out|arrived on the scene|became available|arrived} of denial and admitted {they were|these were|these folks were|we were holding} gay all along. They experience a profound {sense of|feeling of|a feeling of|a sense} liberation {when they|once they|after they|whenever they} {find the|discover the|get the|obtain the} courage {to come out|to be released|to be sold}, being honest with themselves {and their|as well as their|in addition to their|along with their} families. You’ll read how {coming out|being released|released|developing} {to your|for your|in your|for a} family can reawaken’even worsen’the dysfunctional problems {that have|which have|who have|which may have} lain dormant {in the|within the|inside the|inside} closet. But {you’ll also|you will also|you can also|included in the package} {learn how|find out how|understand how|learn the way} men from 15 to 57 have forged deeper, warmer bonds {with their|using their|making use of their|using} parents, siblings, former in-laws, and, {in some cases|in some instances|sometimes|occasionally}, their children. I’ll explain why gay {men are|males are|men’re|these are} {so often|so frequently|frequently|usually} criticized {for being|to be|if you are|internet marketing} ‚childish‘ or ‚immature,‘ {and how to|and the way to|and ways to|and the ways to} avoid succumbing to gay culture’s overemphasis on looks, youth, and glamour. Afraid of {growing old|growing older|ageing|getting older} I’ll {offer you|provide you with|give you|supply you with} numerous remedies, including meaningful involvement {in your|inside your|within your|with your} local gay community serving {as a|like a|being a|as being a} mentor and giving other gay men (both younger and older) {the benefits of|the advantages of|some great benefits of|the main advantages of} {your own|your personal|your own personal|your individual} hard-won experience. I will explore {with you|along with you|together with you|along} {the specific|the particular|the precise|the actual} {ways that|methods|ways in which|techniques} sexual addiction manifests {in the|within the|inside the|inside} gay male community. Most cases of sexual addiction are rooted {in childhood|in early childhood|when they are young|when people are young} sexual abuse {and often|and frequently|and sometimes|and quite often} respond {to a|to some|with a|to your} combination of individual and group therapy. You’ll {learn why|discover why|read why} so-called reparative therapies’to ‚cure‘ our homosexuality’can’t possibly work. At {the same|exactly the same|the identical|a similar} time, you’ll {learn about the|find out about the|discover the|read about the} genuinely helpful ‚therapy workout‘ opportunities {available to|open to|accessible to|offered to} every gay man. Is {the best|the very best|the most effective|the top} therapist {for you|for you personally|to suit your needs|in your case} {male or female|man or woman|female or male}, gay or straight Stay tuned! Perhaps {most important|most significant|most critical|most crucial}, I’ll {show you|demonstrate|explain to you|teach you} {how to|how you can|the way to|the best way to} {keep your|keep the|maintain your|maintain} {romantic relationship|partnership|connection|romance} with another man alive and evolving {as you|while you|when you|because you} both pass {beyond the|past the|at night|after dark} first stages of infatuation, {through the|with the|from the|over the} inevitable power struggle, {and on|as well as on|and also on|and so on} to deep and abiding love. Believe it or not, your most serious quarrels and disagreements are potentially healthy {and can|and may|and will|which enable it to} {lead to|result in|cause|bring about} tremendous personal growth {for you|for you personally|to suit your needs|in your case} both, as partners {and as|so that as|so when|in addition to being} individuals. Even {if a|if your|in case a|if the} wedding or commitment ceremony doesn’t feel {appropriate for|right for|suitable for|befitting} {the two of of you|the both of you|the pair of you}, {you’ll want to|you will want to|you need to|you should} {read about|find out about|learn about|find about} other gay couples {who have|who’ve|that have|who may have} taken that courageous step’with {all the|all of the|every one of the|each of the} frustrations, surprises, and joys that {went with|opted for|chose|selected} it. You don’t need {to be|to become|being|to get} a Mensa member {to do|to complete|to accomplish|to perform} smart things {and to|and also to|also to|and} start reaping {the benefits|the advantages|the huge benefits|the rewards}. Hundreds of my clients {have already|have previously|have|previously} {proven to|which may|shown to|which can} my satisfaction (and, {more important|more essential|more valuable|more vital}, {to their own|to their personal|to their own personal}) {that these|these|why these|the} choices work. Psychology {can seem|can feel|can seem to be|can appear} dauntingly complex, {and sometimes|and often|and quite often|and infrequently} {a bit|a little|somewhat|a lttle bit} scary. Might there be {some things|several things|the main things|a lot of things} lurking down {in your|inside your|within your|with your} subconscious {you’d rather|you’d like to|you want to|you would like to} not {hear about|learn about|read about|hear} No need for timidity. I will work to keep things as clear, accessible, and practical as I can. My clients ‚from their early teens {to their|for their|with their|on their} 70s, from every walk of life’help dramatize {the issues|the problems|the difficulties} and hassles {that every|that each|that all|that many} gay man must face. Armed {with their|using their|making use of their|using} wisdom, clarity, and understanding, {you can|you are able to|it is possible to|you’ll be able to} continued from previous page make personal breakthroughs while still {enjoying the|experiencing the|experiencing and enjoying the} special advantages that gay culture {has to offer|provides|is offering|can give}. You {need not|do not need to|will not need to|don’t need to} {agree with|accept|trust|go along with} every word I say. While reading {about the|concerning the|in regards to the|regarding the} {dozens of|a large number of|lots of|many} gay men who {came to|found|stumbled on|located} me for help, however, you’re sure {to recognize|to identify|to acknowledge|to realize} many {of the|from the|with the|in the} challenges you’re facing {right now|at this time|today|right this moment}. Every one {of these|of those|of the|of such} 10 smart things has {the same|exactly the same|the identical|a similar} goal: {to help|to assist|to aid|to help you} you live happily, confidently, {and successfully|and properly|and effectively} {as a|like a|being a|as being a} gay man’inside and {outside the|away from|outside of the|beyond your} gay community.
@uc@f79wsqcvtc@uc@